an open letter to Shockoe Espresso

Dear Shockoe Espresso,

I tried giving you a second chance because I felt kind of bad after writing a few mean-spirited posts, but now you've really gone and done it.

Don't you know who I am? I'm the daughter of the second best god-damned assistant manager in the tri-county area. His boss's wife's cousin could shut your business down with a flick of a pen.

So, listen up, because I'm only going to say this once:

If you don't bring back your cold, burny, hazelnut coffee by next week, you'll probably still see me, and I'll probably still be cordial, but know, that underneath my smile, I really don't give two shits about what flavor of the day monkey piss you're raping me for. Just as long as it has caffeine.

But your other twelve customers might.

So, knock it off already.

Brunswick Stew is People!

About a week ago, a professor at VCU Brandcenter - for anonymity sake, lets just call him Fark Menske - gave me an unusual gift.

A giant yellow can of stew.



Although a bit confused, I must admit I was more intrigued. I've heard great things about Brunswick stew. And, after trying it, I'm willing to bet money that Mrs. Fearnow - whoever she is - could take down Dinty Moore any day.

Much to my delight, I received another can of stew earlier this week.

However, after my third can yesterday, I couldn't help but start to wonder what was provoking this newfound stew-pushing.

I came to my conclusion today, after receiving the following insider scoop:

Apparently, every year, the professor in question rents a human-sized vat to make special stew for the annual Brunswick Stew Festival.

Thats right folks, 'human sized'.

My conclusion:

'Mrs. Fearnow' is the secret ingredient to last years stew.

'Fark Menske' is feeding me leftovers to plump me up for next years 'Ms. Brost's Delicious Brunswick Stew'.

Menske, if you're reading this, I know I'm not the best writer, but I like to think I've got, what they call in the biz, 'the Mox'.

Which also, coincidentally, makes for great seasoning.

Oh crap.


Please don't eat me.

Dear Writers Guild of America,

As an aspiring striking writer myself, I would like to voice a concern I've had for the last few months. What's up with your strike signs? As accomplished writers, I find it terribly ironic that your signs are so - how shall I say it - uninspired. You would think they would be the most clever signs in the history of strike signs. But I suppose that is the point of the strike in the first place - to stop giving away all of your clever ideas for free.

At any rate, I feel like the signs, although they served their purpose, could have helped push the negotiation date up by at least a month with a little creativity and better art direction.

Here is what I propose for next time:




You're welcome.


See you in 10 years,

Diana "The Body Copy' Brost



P.S. Congratulations.

spring is here!

my official first robin sighting of the season!



(photo courtesy of west nile virus)

a day in the life

(a 12 hour transcript of my super-duper tuesday at brandcenter)

8:30AM

arrive at school to this:



8:35AM

contemplate whether or not to wake up Derek



8:40AM

decide to take his picture instead

8:45AM

e-mail Fenske to see if I can sit in on his portfolio class this afternoon

9:00AM

go to my portfolio class

9:15AM

go off on a well-meaning rant about Walt Disney, the Walt Disney Corporation and the downfall of feature animation

9:30AM

Wayne: "I think this is just one of those things you have to work at really hard and figure out soon or just drop altogether"

9:30 - 11:00AM

sulk

11:00 - 12:00PM

lunch at Perly's

12:00PM

go to rooftop patio to 're-concept' for Disney



12:00 - 12:30PM

take pictures instead

12:30PM

talk to Micheal about ideas for my new website

12:35PM

Michael: "Jesus Diana! Those are people too!"



1:00PM

rick boyko comes out to patio

RB: (sarcastically) "Make yourselves comfortable!"

1:15PM

check my e-mail.

1:20PM

fenske finally replies/gives me permission to sit in on his 1:30 class ('if you even get this note on time') but warns me that I will probably be bored for the first 45 minutes

1:40PM

i get the note

Me: (to michael) "How does he know I'll be bored? I obviously asked to come to his class for a reason! And I can't believe he responded 10 minutes before class! If he wants me there now, he'll have to come out and get me!"

1:45PM

fenske's class comes out to the patio to enjoy the nice weather for 45 minutes



2:00PM

Natalie: "What happened to your shirt? I need to take a picture of this."




2:15

second creepy sleeping picture of the day



2:30PM

fenske's class goes back in

2:45PM

rick boyko comes back out

RB: "You've been out here all day!"
Me:"......Yup."

2:50PM

random first year comes out for a smoke break

RFY: "Copywriter?"
ME: "Yup....Art Director?"
RFY: "Yup..."

2:55PM

ME: "...Well, I have to go to monitor the lab now..."

3:00PM

in the lab I find a small group of students making monsters out of sculpty clay for a class project

3:01PM

my partner and i decide to brainstorm for disney while making monsters out of sculpty clay

3:05PM

Me: "So yeah, I really thing this whole 'magic' angle is sooo expected for dis...holy shit! Your snake looks wasted! We have to make him a beer bottle!"

3:25PM



3:30PM

Rob, my boss of sorts, walks up to our table.

Rob: "So....how is that Final Cut Tutorial that you were supposed to finish by monday going?

Me: "Well....I got half way through...then something weird happened...i don't know what....but I'm familiar with the way the program works now, the only thing I have left to learn are the tools...."

3:45PM



4:00PM

Leslie: "Oh my god....here comes (name deleted), pretend like you're talking to me about something really important..."

Me: "So, yeah...i think an underground campaign for disney would be really unexpected..."

4:30PM

Me: "I wish we had tweezers."

5:00PM

random first year girl comes up to our table

RFY: "Are you Diana? The printer is out of paper"

Me: "Uuuuuuuuugggghhhhh.......ok. But before I go, you have to check out the onions on this hotdog."

RFY: "Oh my god. How long did that take you?"

Me: "Like a half hour."



5:30PM

leslie leaves for another meeting

6:00PM

my shift ends/alex joins my table

6:30PM

EB walks up the table

EB: "do you need a ride home? I can wait for you to clean up."

Me: "Thanks, but I still have a few things to take care of before I leave"

7:00PM

Me: "He looks a little pigeon-toed, don't you think?"

7:30PM

Alex: "You know what he needs? A platypus tail."

8:00PM

my hunger finally gets the best of me, so I call it a night.




8:30PM

on my walk home, I realize that although I still need to come up with an ad campaign by next week, learn final-cut tomorrow, and grocery shop and do laundry tonight, for some reason, I haven't felt this accomplished in months.

you're welcome, laura and dan.

new theory

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