Why 7-Eleven is better than Shockoe Espresso:
10. 7-Eleven is open 24 hours a day. Shockoe is open 24 hours a week.
9. The coffee still sucks, but at least 7-Eleven doesn't try to pretend like anyone would actually want to buy it in bulk.
8. 7-Eleven never smells, tastes or feels like burning.
7. Although equally disgruntled, you'll never have to worry about 7-Eleven employees touching your pastries or making your sandwiches bare-handed.
6. 7-Eleven never plays 80s love ballads on repeat.
5. 7-Eleven has seven different kinds of flavored creamer packets and a do-it yourself flavored syrup station. Shockoe has a jug of sour half-and-half.
4. 7-Eleven doesn't rape you for a bagel or make you pay 10 dollars for a bottle of expired Naked juice .
3. 7-Eleven is a 'friend to the environment', their coffee sleeve told me so.
2. You don't have to feel bad about feeling bad about yourself in a 7-Eleven. Everyone is there because they hate themselves.
1. No slam poetry Sundays. Period.
Feel free to add to the list - these are just the first 10 thoughts that popped into my head.
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2 comments:
You do realize there's a writer's strike going on.
11. I didn't lose my virginity to a large, angry, coffee-serving, black man at 7-Eleven.
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