This morning I was getting my daily cup o' shit at Shockoe Espresso when I overheard the most cliched interview question of all time:
"so, tell me a little about yourself..."
Automatically I thought about what bullshit job that poor chump must have been interviewing for. Then I realized that the interviewee was probably applying for a job at Shockoe Espresso. I left before the stink of burning coffee could seep into my clothing, but I imagine the rest of the conversation probably went a little something like this:
Interviewer:
"So, tell me a little about yourself..."
Interviewee:
"Well, to start, I was raised by a family of great apes in the mountains of Nepal. I have no formal education, per say, but I was taught from an early age on to hate humans, as poachers were affluent in the area I was raised. I moved to the states at the age of 8 - after my parents abandoned me - and found a new home with a group of nomadic born-again Christians from New Jersey. I've been working at the DMV for the last 10 years and would still be working there if I hadn't been laid off for constantly screaming orders at my co-workers from across the room. I don't particularly care for coffee, don't understand how to establish a wireless connection, have no concept of 'room for cream' and have no prior barista/cashier/cook experience. However, what I lack in common sense and common courtesy, I make up for in my uncommon love for 80's love ballads, bad poetry and the smell of burning."
Interviewer: (in the voice of a 1920s newspaper editor who just caught wind of a hot scoop from the press intern)
"You're hired!"
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2 comments:
I like 1920's newspaper editors, but what I like even more are 1920's newspaper photojournalists.
The corrupt chief of police/mayor/governor will do/say/think something incriminating and out of the crowd/shadows pops the photojournalist. "What a scoop!" he exclaims in his porkpie hat as he snaps a photo and then the old-timey camera goes "poof!" and a cloud of smoke emanates from said camera.
Pure hilarity.
Hey Di. I just wanted to let you know that I'm reading your blog.
One time I was at Shockoe, and this guy tells the girl behind the register, "Hey, I hope your leg feels better!"
And she smiled and said, "Yeah see you later!"
Then she finished pouring my iced coffee and said to me, "Don't you love it when you haven't seen your ex-boyfriend in 2 and a half years, and you're working at a coffee shop?"
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