A friend and I were walking late last night along the Canal Walk when we got into a discussion about the ghosts that haunt Richmond. According to folklore, there have been multiple ghost pirate ship sightings on the James River, vampires are buried in Hollywood Cemetery and a little ghost boy plays outside the Capital building every night.
Pirate ship? Spooky.
Vampires? Creepy.
A child's laughter at night? Terrifying
But all this talk of ghosts made me wonder... are there ghosts who aren't spooky? I'm not talking about Casper, the friendly ghost, but more like ghost's who are just inept. They would either have died in hilarious - yet tragic - accidents or have personalities/professions that just aren't conducive to being a good, old fashioned, cliche ghost.
Without further ado, I present to you the top eight best worst ghosts:
Drunk Sorority Girl Ghost.
Two words: ghost vomit. With the catchphrase "Boo....or whatever", drunk sorority girl ghost can usually be found crying in dive bar bathrooms around 2am.
Stripper Ghost.
Much like drunk sorority ghost, stripper ghost would always have to be high to haunt. She would say things like "Ooohhhhh...." or "Booooooooooobs" as sexy as possible while spinning her ghostly pasties.
High School Drama Student Ghost
Wanders empty high school hallways, over-dramatically reciting monologues from Our Town.
Social Networking Ghost
He/she would only do and say things according to what his/her online avatars would do or say. Very self absorbed and only interested in tagging photos of his/her orbs in friends albums.
Crazy Cat Lady Ghost
Still scary, but in the funny way.
Amateur Paddleboat Tour Guide Ghost.
Dressed like a civil war reinactor, amateur paddleboat tour guide ghost looks the part, but lacks knowledge of historical context.
Movie Theater Concessions Stand Ghost
Similar to high school drama student ghost, but with more pimples and a bow-tie.
Kirsten Klieman's Ghost
Always at least 45 minutes late for haunting hour and, instead of "Boo!" Kirsten's ghost says "Oh hi! hi! hi there!"
More to come.
10 comments:
i like kirsten's ghost. now you need to do a whole set of brandcenter ghosts.
nien
When I lived in North Korea, I thought there was a ghost who visited me in the bathroom when I brushed my teeth. The floor would creek next to me. I don't know what his name was.
I also thought there was a ghost in North Korea once. But then I realized it was Nate hiding in my closet.
It's funny because it's true.
If by funny, you mean creepy, then yes.
That is hilarious.
I was once visited by a Ghost Pizza Delivery Boy.
I asked, "How's the Ghost Pizza?"
He replied, "It's hauntingly good. The All Meat Pizza is to-die-for. In my opinion the Veggie Pizza is spook-tacular! In fact everything withholding the Mexican Pizza is frighteningly good."
I asked, "What's wrong with the Mexican Pizza?"
He told me, "It will posses your dreams and put a hoodoo curse on your anus."
I said, "Boo on that. Nobody likes a hoodoo curse, especially on their pooper."
I went with the Veggie Pizza. It was eerily good. All in all, it was a spine-tingling experience.
ryan, you've been drinking again, haven't you?
Keep up the good work.
What's with the drinking accusations lately? Whenever I talk to you, you accuse me of being drunk. You are only right 80% of the time.
Actually, I only hid in Jenny's closet once, but she never came in so I gave up.
Must have been a real ghost in there.
You think that just because Fenske doesn't need to blog anymore, you can give up on it, too?
Lame, Di. Real lame.
Yeah, what is the deal with Fenske? You tell that lazy mofo that I want a blog post. No, don't tell him I said that. He'll eat my soul.
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