hack ghosts

A friend and I were walking late last night along the Canal Walk when we got into a discussion about the ghosts that haunt Richmond. According to folklore, there have been multiple ghost pirate ship sightings on the James River, vampires are buried in Hollywood Cemetery and a little ghost boy plays outside the Capital building every night.

Pirate ship? Spooky.

Vampires? Creepy.

A child's laughter at night? Terrifying

But all this talk of ghosts made me wonder... are there ghosts who aren't spooky? I'm not talking about Casper, the friendly ghost, but more like ghost's who are just inept. They would either have died in hilarious - yet tragic - accidents or have personalities/professions that just aren't conducive to being a good, old fashioned, cliche ghost.

Without further ado, I present to you the top eight best worst ghosts:

Drunk Sorority Girl Ghost.
Two words: ghost vomit. With the catchphrase "Boo....or whatever", drunk sorority girl ghost can usually be found crying in dive bar bathrooms around 2am.

Stripper Ghost.
Much like drunk sorority ghost, stripper ghost would always have to be high to haunt. She would say things like "Ooohhhhh...." or "Booooooooooobs" as sexy as possible while spinning her ghostly pasties.

High School Drama Student Ghost
Wanders empty high school hallways, over-dramatically reciting monologues from Our Town.

Social Networking Ghost
He/she would only do and say things according to what his/her online avatars would do or say. Very self absorbed and only interested in tagging photos of his/her orbs in friends albums.

Crazy Cat Lady Ghost
Still scary, but in the funny way.

Amateur Paddleboat Tour Guide Ghost.
Dressed like a civil war reinactor, amateur paddleboat tour guide ghost looks the part, but lacks knowledge of historical context.

Movie Theater Concessions Stand Ghost
Similar to high school drama student ghost, but with more pimples and a bow-tie.

Kirsten Klieman's Ghost
Always at least 45 minutes late for haunting hour and, instead of "Boo!" Kirsten's ghost says "Oh hi! hi! hi there!"

More to come.

this just in

Apparently, Regency Square Shopping Center of Richmond, Virginia thinks the Easter Bunny lives in a giant purple tea kettle.

And, during mall hours, the 'Easter Bunny' patiently sits outside the front door of his giant kettle house on a painted white bench, and waits for children to climb up onto his lap and talk to him about god knows what.

All the while, two of his other stuffed rabbit guests enjoy a cup of afternoon tea in his backyard.

I don't even know where to begin.

cold shops

I'm graduating in two months.

For the last six months, everyone has been asking me what agency I want to work for.

I don't know.

But I've narrowed my list down to the places I don't want to work.

In no particular order, I present to you the top ten agencies on the bottom of my list:

Burgle Turd and Shine
Chotchy and Chode
Farty McSmelliot
Benton and Bowels
Queef
Stodgy and Stodgy (formerly Crotchety and Crotchety)
Ogilvy
Mckibbles and Bits
925
Druga 5

Feel free to add on.

an open letter to Shockoe Espresso

Dear Shockoe Espresso,

I tried giving you a second chance because I felt kind of bad after writing a few mean-spirited posts, but now you've really gone and done it.

Don't you know who I am? I'm the daughter of the second best god-damned assistant manager in the tri-county area. His boss's wife's cousin could shut your business down with a flick of a pen.

So, listen up, because I'm only going to say this once:

If you don't bring back your cold, burny, hazelnut coffee by next week, you'll probably still see me, and I'll probably still be cordial, but know, that underneath my smile, I really don't give two shits about what flavor of the day monkey piss you're raping me for. Just as long as it has caffeine.

But your other twelve customers might.

So, knock it off already.

Brunswick Stew is People!

About a week ago, a professor at VCU Brandcenter - for anonymity sake, lets just call him Fark Menske - gave me an unusual gift.

A giant yellow can of stew.



Although a bit confused, I must admit I was more intrigued. I've heard great things about Brunswick stew. And, after trying it, I'm willing to bet money that Mrs. Fearnow - whoever she is - could take down Dinty Moore any day.

Much to my delight, I received another can of stew earlier this week.

However, after my third can yesterday, I couldn't help but start to wonder what was provoking this newfound stew-pushing.

I came to my conclusion today, after receiving the following insider scoop:

Apparently, every year, the professor in question rents a human-sized vat to make special stew for the annual Brunswick Stew Festival.

Thats right folks, 'human sized'.

My conclusion:

'Mrs. Fearnow' is the secret ingredient to last years stew.

'Fark Menske' is feeding me leftovers to plump me up for next years 'Ms. Brost's Delicious Brunswick Stew'.

Menske, if you're reading this, I know I'm not the best writer, but I like to think I've got, what they call in the biz, 'the Mox'.

Which also, coincidentally, makes for great seasoning.

Oh crap.


Please don't eat me.

Dear Writers Guild of America,

As an aspiring striking writer myself, I would like to voice a concern I've had for the last few months. What's up with your strike signs? As accomplished writers, I find it terribly ironic that your signs are so - how shall I say it - uninspired. You would think they would be the most clever signs in the history of strike signs. But I suppose that is the point of the strike in the first place - to stop giving away all of your clever ideas for free.

At any rate, I feel like the signs, although they served their purpose, could have helped push the negotiation date up by at least a month with a little creativity and better art direction.

Here is what I propose for next time:




You're welcome.


See you in 10 years,

Diana "The Body Copy' Brost



P.S. Congratulations.

spring is here!

my official first robin sighting of the season!



(photo courtesy of west nile virus)